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Thursday, July 22, 2010

88 Lines about 44 Sports Topics

Summer is flying by, and it's tough to find the time to write about all of the amazing and strange things going on in the world of sports. As my faithful readers (all four of them) know, I tend to write some rather long posts. Since Shakespeare wrote that "Brevity is the soul of wit," it must be that my writing is a long way from witty. So, I thought it would be fun to recap some of the happenings in sports and my travels in as brief a way as possible. Luckily, XM Radio's "First Wave" station provided the necessary inspiration for my approach. Marc Campbell wrote a hit song titled "88 Lines about 44 Women" for his band, The Nails, and the folks at First Wave were kind enough to play it recently. The premise of the song is that Campbell describes 44 different women he's been with, in a mere two lines each. So, allow me to present my own 88 lines, about 44 events or topics in sports over the past few months. I have attempted to remain as faithful to the feel and pacing of the song as possible.

(If you'd like to get a feel for the sound and rhythm of the original song, the video may be found here, and the lyrics here. Warning: Video and lyrics are not suitable for all viewers.)


Made a trip to see the Braves
Watching Chipper while he's here
Roller Derby in the 'Nati
Awesome action, dollar beers
Most annoying stadium trend
Is vuvuzelas in the crowd
Rays game, air-conditioned bliss
Fans ring cowbells, Walken's proud

Cubs fans, one more year of mis'ry
Century-plus and still no rings
Strasburg debuts, strikes out fourteen
Seems to be the next big thing
ChiSox, left for dead in May
Come charging back to take the lead
MMA scores lots of viewers
People love to watch 'em bleed

Floyd Mayweather's scared to fight
While Pacquiao is passing laws
Women's basketball's still going
All nine fans give much applause
LeBron's lame TV "decision"
Leaves Cavs fans feeling overdrawn
Mud Hens games, worth every penny
Even though Mike Hessman's gone

Blackhawks use their grit and speed
To bring Lord Stanley to Chi-town
Soccer players, faking injury
Moan and roll upon the ground
Yankees hang another banner
Twenty-eighth to soon unfurl?
Tiger comes back, hitting holes
Is tougher in golf than with girls

Memorial weekend down in Cincy
Derby, baseball, lots of sweat
Galarraga's near-perfecto
Jim Joyce and I won't soon forget
August trip means Giants, Oakland
I am happy to report
Federal judge just states the obvious
Cheerleading is not a sport

Chicago Bears add Julius Peppers
Trying to defeat the Pack
Southern Cal is caught a-cheatin'
Then ships Reggie's Heisman back
Games with coeds in bar restrooms
Lead to problems for Big Ben
Michael Vick is back in trouble
Canine karma strikes again?

Deserving slugger Andre Dawson
Gets elected to the Hall
Bert Blyleven and Ron Santo
Still sit home, await the call
Baseball All-Stars get low ratings
This one doesn't count for much
Spanish futbol scores just once
But that's enough to beat the Dutch

Kobe and the Lakers win it
Make Phil Jackson number one
Cox, Pinella, maybe Torre
After this year will be done
Boss Steinbrenner, Rest In Peace
Brought mega-money to the game
Bob Sheppard passed away but he's
Still calling out the angels' names

Dodgers' future in divorce court
Oh, but for a good pre-nup
Carl Crawford's boys are battered
Maybe next time wear a cup?
Albert Pujols keeps on hitting
Triple Crown race is old hat
Gamecocks baseball, first time champions
See the last of Rosenblatt
Two unknowns at Wimbledon
Play 'til far beyond exhaustion
Brady's contract situation
Sends the jitters all through Boston
Surprising Padres lead the West
As pitching helps them top the heap
No matter what you think of Guillen
Ozzie doesn't give a [bleep]
Lance tries one more time in France
This is the year his old legs fail
July winds down, we all await
The Indians', Astros' fire sales
Anger management is called for
As Zambrano blows a gasket
But in my favorite moment this year
Kane puts the biscuit in the basket